So I think my ex kinda screwed me up, like mentally. I haven’t had a boyfriend since him, or before him for that matter. But really though, how many people my age have had only 1 serious relationship, barely serious at that? I have only gotten close to even dating one other guy since him, and it was like two years ago that we broke up. I am cursed or something. I’ve had 1 boyfriend in all this time I’ve been out. It’s pathetic. I somehow still have some superiority complex at the same time, though, where most boys who like me I shut down. Except I’m a dick. I like unintentionally lead guys on and it’s an asshole move. I settle for guys who like me when I don’t feel the same and then I hurt their feelings. Additionally, I never really like anyone. And when I do, they’re already taken, straight, or not interested. It took me like over a year to get over my ex, as sad as that is to admit. It’s like I always want someone but then when I could have someone, I don’t want them. It’s like “I want someone, but ew not you” kind if thing. And recently, I could have had a guy, but I ended up just being a huge prick about it and just didn’t text him back for a few weeks. And now I’m pretty over that. I’m disgusting; I use people.
My weirdest thing is that I NEVER ever crush on people. Yeah, I drool over hot guys and all, but I never like like like anyone I know. I find something negative in them. And now I actually have developed some crushes on 2 people and I just want to cry cuz it will never happen with either of them. And one of them I wouldn’t really want anything with. But the other, I like hardcore like. I even started snap chatting again for him. I’m lame and dumb.
I’m not even really emotional or anything right now, strange enough. This is the most level headed, come to think it, I’ve been whilst ranting I think I have ever been. And oddly, I feel like I am looking at my life through other people’s eyes and it’s weird.